Forget Me Not
by Looney Loopy Laura
Summary: I know the truth, and so do they. James Potter is dead because of me.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hi everyone! I'm back with a new story at last! While it's another Lily/JamesTrue, it's pretty different than my other stories. (If you haven't read them, _Hogwarts Confessional_ is on my author page or _If Wishes Were Fishes_ is on my hpff account - hopefully to be posted here over the summer). __Firstly, it's a short story rather than a novel which is something I've never done before so it will only have 5 chapters total. But I already have them written so I'll be able to update regularly. Secondly, the general content and plot of this story is something VERY different than the fluffy humor/romance that I'm used to writing._

_So basically this is an idea i've had rattling around in my head for years and finally was able to write it out in a way that makes sense (hopefully?). So I hope you like it and I'm a bit nervous about it so feedback would be amazing! Enjoy!_

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Chapter 1

"Lily, you're staring at James again," Mary MacDonald giggles, elbowing me lightly in the side. I straighten up abruptly, tearing my eyes away from the dark-haired boy sitting across the room.

"No, I wasn't," I mutter, quickly copying down whatever Slughorn has just written on the board.

Mary laughs quietly, propping her elbow up on the desk and resting her chin in it. She sends me a sly smile, her piercing blue eyes flash with intuition.

"It's ok, you know," she says quietly, as I continue to try and figure out what the hell Slughorn has been saying for the entire lesson.

"What's ok?" I ask absently, hurriedly copying a list of ingredients from the board.

"To stare at James… he's quite fit," Mary smiles, and I scoff.

"I wasn't staring at James Potter," I repeat, trying very hard not to let the color rise in my cheeks.

"I'm just saying it would be ok, you know, if you _were_," Mary says, tucking a lock of her golden blond hair behind her ear.

"Mary, for the last time, I wasn't staring," I grumble irritably, but Mary's smile only widens before she turns her attention back to Slughorn.

When I am sure that Mary is busy copying down notes, I lift my eyes slightly, resuming my study of James Potter.

He is a couple tables away bent over his notes, concentrating very hard on whatever he is writing. His glasses occasionally slide down his straight nose before he pushes them back up and scratches his chin with his quill. He reaches a hand up and runs it through his dark hair leaving it looking even messier than before.

That simple action used to make me cringe, make my insides constrict in dislike, make my temper flare. But lately… well, lately I hadn't found it quite so infuriating.

To tell you the truth, I've actually grown quite fond of James in the past year. Fond in terms of friends. Just friends…Don't get the wrong idea. But since he's stopped hexing people for fun and started using his brains in classes instead of for pranks, he's managed to impress me quite a bit. And, you know, being Head Boy had to count for something.

Of course, he still asks me out every chance he gets, but I no longer find this behavior particularly annoying either. At the beginning of sixth year, he began channeling his prankster tendencies into finding new and creative ways to win my affections. And I have to admit, after a year of flowers, singing pixies, and my name spelled out in the enchanted stars of the Great Hall, it's getting a bit hard to resist him.

But I just can't get that nagging voice out of my head that tells me he still isn't ready for any of it. He _is_ only seventeen after all… and so am I for that matter. Seventeen, and not quite ready to have my heart broken by him yet. Because James Potter is definitely the kind of guy who can break a girl's heart.

I tear my eyes away from James and try to concentrate back on my notes and I barely finish one sentence when a crumpled piece of paper hits me square in the face.

I look up preparing to death-glare whoever just threw it at me, but my scowl fades immediately when I see James smiling crookedly at me from across the room.

I roll my eyes at him, fighting the smile tugs at my mouth and ignoring the fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach, and turn my attention back to Slughorn.

It isn't long before another piece of paper lodges itself in my hair and I shoot an annoyed look at the dark-haired boy smiling at me from the other side of the classroom.

Before I can turn away this time, James gestures towards the first piece of paper. His lopsided smile grows wider as I sigh and unfold the parchment.

I look down and choke back a laugh at the illustration James has drawn on the parchment. So _that's_ what he's been concentrating so hard on. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

A rather large walrus sits perched on a rock, sporting a waistcoat identical to the one Slughorn is wearing today. The walrus's mouth is turned up in a goofy grin, its enormous moustache drooping to the ground and an up-turned cauldron resting on it's head, serving as a hat.

I lift my eyes from the parchment to glance up at James. A satisfied smile is plastered on his face at my reaction to his picture and I roll my eyes at him again, this time not able to hold back the smile.

I re-fold the parchment quickly and slip it in my bag, turning my attention back to the non-walrus version of Slughorn.

"Not staring at him, eh?" Mary says quietly, her eyes trained on the front of the room, but her mouth turns up in a smile at the corners.

"Oh, shut it," I laugh softly and Mary giggles.

"Now, I know that all of you have brewed the Draught of Living Death before," Slughorn is saying, his straw-colored moustache quivering as he speaks. "This year will begin along the same lines, although there will be a bit of a twist."

Slughorn flicks his wand towards the store cupboards where our ingredients are kept and the doors swing open, revealing dusty, empty shelves.

"Er… Professor?" A Ravenclaw girl raises her hand, staring incredulously at the barren shelves. "Why are the store cupboards _empty?_"

"Ah, but that's the twist," Slughorn's beady eyes twinkle excitedly. "For your first assignment you'll all need to gather the ingredients yourselves."

A collective groan sounds from the students, but Slughorn remains unphased. He waves his wand at the chalkboard and detailed descriptions of each ingredient appear.

"Now, you'll be able to find all of these within the Hogwarts grounds," Slughorn booms on happily. "You'll need them by next class, so don't wait too long to get started."

Slughorn starts going through each of the ingredients, explaining the slight differences in each and I abruptly tune out; I've already read the section of the Draught of Living Death and am familiar with the ingredients.

Instead my eyes wander back across the room towards James, who glances up at me and smiles that breath-taking smile of his.

Needless to say, Mary is absolutely beside herself when she looks over and notices the deep crimson blush that has settled itself in my cheeks as I determinately copy down the ingredients.

The sun is still visible over the mountains as I make my way down to the lake's edge where I'll start my search for our Potions ingredients.

Mary, unfortunately, is unable to join me. She's gone and gotten herself caught snogging Silas Alcott in an empty classroom and is currently serving detention with McGonagall. Sigh.

"Oy! Evans!" Someone calls behind me and I turn to see James traipsing across the grounds towards me, the other Marauders following closely behind.

I wait for them to catch up to me and try very hard to ignore the butterflies that erupt in my stomach when James flashes his characteristic lopsided smile at me.

"You lot doing the potions assignment?" I ask them as they stop in front of me.

"Yeah," Sirius Black answers, pushing his mane of dark hair away from his face. "We were going to start with valerian roots. I saw some down by the boathouse about a week ago. Want to come with?"

"Yeah, alright," I say, pleased that I'll have some company after all. "I'm pretty sure we'll be able to find some asphodel around that area too."

We follow the worn dirt path down to the boathouse by the lake and quickly begin the hunt for our ingredients.

I wander towards the edge of the forbidden forest, aware that asphodel is usually found in shaded areas, while Sirius, Remus, and Peter scour the water's edge for valerian.

"So you liked my drawing?" I hear James say from behind me and I turn around to see him leaning against a large tree staring at me.

"I think… I think it's inappropriate to make fun of a professor," I scold him playfully, a smile fighting against my lips.

"You liked it though, didn't you?" James asks me, raising one sly eyebrow.

"Whether I liked it or not is irrelevant," I roll my eyes at him, but he just chuckles lightly. "Because if Slughorn had found that lovely drawing of him, you'd be in detention right now. In my opinion, a silly drawing of a walrus wouldn't be worth it."

"That's not true," James insists, shoving himself away from the tree. "Because if it made you smile, then it definitely _would_ be worth it."

I pause, glancing up at him. He responds with a cheeky grin and I swear my heart skips a beat. Damn hormones.

"You would risk detention just to see me _smile_?" I ask, raising a skeptical eyebrow at him and try to ignore the butterflies erupting in my stomach.

"I'd do anything to see you smile," James shrugs it off casually as if that _isn't _the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. "But you already knew that."

Merlin, that boy really does like me…

"Potter, are you just going to stand there, spouting nonsense, or are you going to help me find some asphodel?" I stutter, turning away so he doesn't see the furious blush spreading through my cheeks.

"Come on, Lily," James drawls, crouching down next to me as I scour the ground for asphodel. "How many times have I asked you to call me James?"

I sigh and straighten up; he follows suit keeping his eyes trained on me.

"A lot," I shrug, looking up at him. "But old habits die hard."

"But you don't hate me anymore, do you?" James narrows his hazel eyes at me as we walk further into the forest in search of the elusive asphodel.

"No, I don't" I assure him and I see a small smile creep onto his face at that.

"Well, then I give up," James sighs dramatically, leaning against another tree.

"What on earth do you mean?" I laugh, looking back at him.

"Well, there's only so many times I can convince the house elves to make all your favorite foods for dinner or fill your bedroom with white lilies," James glares playfully at me. "I'm running out of ideas. And if after all that I still can't even get you to call me by my first name then maybe I should just throw in the towel."

"James," I sigh and he looks up at me expectantly, a hint of a smile playing at his lips as I say his name. "I don't want you to give up… "

"You… _don't_?" James repeats, surprised. "Then why haven't you said yes?"

I groan and wrinkle my nose, not at all feeling like explaining my admittedly flawed reasoning to him.

"Because despite what everyone thinks, lilies _aren't_ my favorite flower," I say lightly instead, trying to ease some of the tension. "Get it right next time and _maybe _I'll consider saying yes."

I know I am being selfish, stringing him along like this. But it isn't like I'm _never_ going to say yes… I just… I need more time.

"Well, then what flowers should I use next time?" James chuckles, following me quickly.

I don't answer right away, glancing around me at the wildlife sprouting in the dim sunlight. Spotting what I am looking for, I bend down and pluck the tiny blue flower, holding it out to James.

"Forget-Me-Nots," I say, dropping the small blue flower in his hand.

James stares at the plant resting in his palm for a moment before lifting his eyes to look at me.

"Alright," he nods, closing his fingers over the flower and slipping it into the pocket of his robes. "I'll _forget-them-not_ next time I fill your room."

"And here's the asphodel," I say quietly, looking next to the spot where I'd picked the Forget-Me-Nots. The tall yellow-flowered plant glows slightly in the dim forest light. "I suppose we should get some for the others?"

James agrees and bends down to help me gather as many of the flowers as we need. As my fingers close around one of the stems, something prickly brushes against the back of my hand, startling me. I jerk my hand back quickly.

"Something wrong?" James asks, noticing my startled expression.

"Nothing, I just thought I felt something…" I mutter, reaching my hand out again. The same prickling scrapes against my hand but I ignore it and pluck the flower.

"Oh!" I draw in a startled breath as I pick the plant and see what is hiding behind it.

"What's wrong?" James hurries to my side, gazing down at the spot where I've picked the plant.

"Look," I point towards the spot where a dark shape huddles under the cover of dark green leaves. I light my wand, illuminating the dark shape and James and I both move back instinctively when we realize what it is.

Five…six…seven… eight. Eight legs. Oh my god, it has eight legs. And all of them are curled in towards is massive, hairy body. It's about the size of a large cat, it's many eyes closed and unseeing.

"Oh sweet Merlin, it's an acromantula," I breathe, moving closer. The large spider shows all the signs of the magical beast: the long poisonous fangs, the five eyes, the fact that it is ridiculously large for a spider…

"Lily, don't touch it," James grabs my arm, pulling me back.

"I think it's dead, James," I shake his hand of me and move closer still, inspecting the poor beast.

"Lily, don't…" James starts from behind me but I wave him off impatiently.

"Professor Slughorn told me that acromantula venom is really valuable and hard to come across. He said you can only get it right after one's died," I tell him and I hear James sigh exasperatedly behind me.

"So we'll tell him when we get back to the castle," James says, tugging on my arm. "Can we go now? There might be more _live_ ones around here…."

"Are you scared_?_" I laugh, turning towards him and he rolls his eyes.

"No," He says flatly, still pulling me away from the spider. "I just don't want to get eaten by a herd of great, hairy spiders today, that's all."

"Here, hold these," I thrust the asphodels I'd picked into James's hand and bend down, gently lifting the spider into my arms.

"Lily, stop joking around," James says, real panic edging its way into his voice. "Put the giant spider down… Merlin, I never thought I'd have to say that to you."

"James, it's alright. It's dead, it can't hurt me," I giggle, cradling the dead beast in my arms. James cringes at the sight.

"Just keep your hands away from the fangs. That venom's deadly, you know," James mutters, eying the spider warily as we head back towards the boathouse.

"It's only deadly if it bites me," I roll my eyes at him, but he scowls in response.

"Ugh, fine if it'll make you feel better, I'll levitate it back to the castle," I sigh, setting the spider on the ground while I retrieve my wand from my pocket.

The spider floats idly in the air behind us as we meet up with Sirius, Remus, and Peter at the boathouse. Thankfully, they have managed to find enough valerian roots for all of us.

"Er, Lily…" Sirius narrows his eyes at the giant spider floating behind James and I. "I don't mean to alarm you, but…er… there's a giant dead spider floating behind you."

"I know that," I chuckle at their incredulous expressions. "We found it in the forest. I'm going to take it to Professor Slughorn. The venom's supposed to be really hard to come by."

"It _is_ dead, right?" Peter asks, peering out from behind Remus.

"Of course it's dead," I shrug. "Why else would it be all curled up like that and not moving?"

"Er… because it was only sleeping?" Remus says, pointing behind me at the spider. I whirl around in time to see all five of its eyes opening slowly, its many legs stretching and curling.

"Oh, shit!" Sirius yelps, as he, Remus, and Peter scramble backwards away from it.

I let out a surprised shriek at the sight and my wand slips from my fingers, the levitation charm abruptly cuts off. The spider, no longer rendered immobile by my spell, crashes to the ground, its hairy legs scrambling to right itself. Its mad red eyes wheel towards me as it crouches low to the ground in a defensive stance.

I see the spider lunge towards me, poisonous fangs bared, but before it collides with me, something moves swiftly in front of me. James crashes into me, throwing his arms out protectively in front of me. The spider collides with him instead, sinking its fangs in deep and sending us both sprawling backwards. Something sharp pinches at my right shoulder, sending a stinging jolt through me.

James and I crash to the ground and I see Remus and Sirius firing spells at the acromantula, blasting it off of us. The spider tumbles down the hill slightly before coming to a stop, it's legs curled once more over itself. It is dead.

I pull myself out from under James, gently touching the spot where the spider's fang had torn my robes. A small cut is visible on my skin, but the stinging is gone. In fact, I can't feel the cut on my shoulder at all. How strange…

"Well, so much for acromantula venom being fatally poisonous," I scoff, brushing myself off as I get to my feet. "See, James? You were worried about nothing. It probably wasn't even a acromantula…just a spider that got in a fight with an engorging charm. "

I look down to where James is still lying on the ground and freeze when I see him. One long, bone white fang is imbedded in James's shoulder in exactly the same place where it scratched me.

I can see the jagged point of the fang peeking out the other side of him and suddenly everything stands still. I hear the blood pounding in my ears, my heart feels like it is about to beat right out of my chest.

"James?" I ask, panic lacing my voice, causing it to break as I drop to the ground next to him.

He doesn't respond and I hurriedly roll him over towards me. Tears burn behind my eyes as I take in the sight of him. His eyes are closed, his face relaxed. He could be sleeping… only he isn't breathing.

"James," I say more urgently, shaking him slightly as if perhaps he's only pretending. I'm not even aware that Sirius, Remus, and Peter have crowded around us, trying to figure out what is wrong…

All I hear is my heart beating furiously in my chest as James continues not to wake up.

"James, please," I cry, tears spilling over my cheeks as my hands flutter over his face, his neck, his chest, that fang. _Oh god, that fang_… "Please, James… you have to wake up."

"Lily," I hear a distant voice say. Is that Remus? Everything seems to be going dark… What's wrong with my eyes? His voice echoes around in my head as I lose my vision completely, blood pounding in my ears.

"I don't think he's sleeping…"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

James Potter is dead. He is dead. He is _dead?_

Oh Godric, _he is dead_.

James Potter is dead.

No. That sounds wrong. That sentence shouldn't exist. James Potter shouldn't be dead. He _can't_ be dead.

This is all wrong.

It has been three days. Seventy-two of the longest hours of my life. Four thousand three hundred and twenty minutes that James Potter has been gone.

And with every second that passes it seems to hurt more. I feel numb. Everyday that passes without him, I feel number than before.

People talk to me, but I don't hear what they say. There is a report done,, extensive lectures about safety precautions at the school, an interview with the Daily Prophet.

A funeral.

Everything is such a blur that I can't pick out details, can't remember things I should be able to. I think I go to classes, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't remember. The three remaining Marauders and Mary are with me constantly though I barely notice them. I'm completely lost in my head.

"It's not your fault, Lily," they say. It's all they ever say to me anymore.

But I know the truth. And so do they.

It is completely my fault. James Potter is dead because of _me_.

"I'm really starting to worry about her," Mary says to Remus one night in the common room.

"She'll come around soon enough," Peter says in a hushed voice, casting me a furtive look.

I am sitting right next to them, yet they're talking about me like I'm not. Although, admittedly I haven't responded to anyone since it happened.

"Lily, you need to snap out of this," Sirius places a comforting hand over mine as he leans forward towards me.

I stare blankly at him. How are _they_ so damn nonchalant about his death? They don't seem affected at all. Aren't they supposed to be best friends? Like brothers… that's what James told me once. He and Sirius are—_were_ like brothers, so why isn't he buried in grief like I am?

Why aren't _any _of them going crazy with grief? Why aren't _they_ crying themselves to sleep every night? Why aren't _they_ unable to concentrate on anything?

It's like they don't care at all. It is all so _wrong_.

Without saying a word to my friends, I push myself up from the chair I've been sitting in and head up to my dorm where I collapse on my bed.

This isn't the way things were supposed to happen.

James wasn't supposed to die.

He was _supposed_ to ask me out one more time. He was supposed to get me Forget-Me-Nots and I was supposed to say yes.

All those years I said no… well, if I'd have known his time was coming to an end, would I have said yes? Said yes and had a few wonderful months with him? Or would I have said no anyways, to spare myself the pain of losing him after I'd let myself finally feel something for him…

The yellow asphodel plant still sits on my nightstand. It is beginning to dry out, its green leaves beginning to curl and crumble. I can't bring myself to get rid of it.

I don't know how long I stare at the plant. I think I hear Mary come in at one point but I don't say anything and neither does she.

I let the tears flow freely down my cheeks as I think about James. I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep since it happened. I'm scared that I'll dream about him… and that is dangerous. It's bad enough just to think about him.

I sit up, grabbing my Charms book from my trunk and hurry down the stairs to the common room. If I'm not going to sleep, at least I can catch up on some homework. Maybe it will take my mind off things…

I reach the bottom of the stairs, looking around to make sure there are no students lingering and I stop when I spot someone sitting by the fire.

The glow from the flames casts the student into a harsh silhouette, illuminating the untidy shock of dark hair that sends a painful jolt through me. It's just like James's…

The sound of my footsteps alerts the boy to my presence and he turns to look at me, his black-framed glasses glinting in the dim light and his mouth pulling up on one side in that heart-wrenching smile that is so familiar to me.

I freeze.

It _can't_ be—

"James," my breath comes out in a whoosh, my heart kicking into overdrive.

This is impossible—absolutely mad. It's a trick. He's dead, gone. He can't be _here_.

"Alright, Evans?" He responds with the playful confidence that only his voice could carry. Just the sound of it sends shivers through me. It's _his_ voice. Not even a dream can imitate it that perfectly.

"This is impossible," I stutter, not moving from where I stand at the base of the staircase.

James's eyebrows pull together and his smile vanishes. "Why?"

"Because you're dead," I say, my voice breaking. "I saw you die."

James rolls his hazel eyes in a way that used to make my blood boil.

"If I'm dead, then how am I sitting here right now?" James asks blandly, his eyebrows raising expectantly at me.

"Because you've come back to haunt me?" I ask weakly and James laughs. I let myself get lost in the sound, closing my eyes and trying to memorize that booming laugh of his. It's a painful sound, sending a hundred memories gushing through me but I cling to it all the same.

"Lily, come here," James smiles, patting the seat cushion next to me.

I move numbly forward, but carefully. I'm terrified that one wrong move will make him disappear. I drop down onto the couch next to him, his proximity sending an electric current through my very soul.

He reaches out a hand and grabs my shaking one. My body feels like it has been lit on fire with his touch.

"If I were a ghost, would you be able to feel that?" James smirks, his calloused fingers lacing between mine. He pulls our hands to his face, resting my palm against his cheek. He seems so _real_. His touch, his laugh… But I saw him die. I was at his funeral. I saw him buried…

"This still doesn't change the fact that I saw you _die_," I whisper and James lets go of my hand. I miss his touch immediately but he reaches into his pocket and pulls out something small and square.

"Well then I'll prove it. I'll tell you something only I would know," James grins cheekily at me as he holds up the object to my face. I see my own pale and terrified face reflecting back at me in the small mirror. "See this?"

I nod, waiting for his explanation.

"It's a two-way mirror," James says, his hazel eyes boring into mine.

"I don't understand…" I say, gazing down at the small mirror.

"Sirius has the other one. The other Marauders and I are the only ones who know about the mirror. They'll have to believe you. And if they doesn't, say my name into it and I'll appear. I promise you, I'll appear," James explains and I narrow my eyes at him…

"Why don't we just go up to their dorm right now and tell them you're alive," I ask, confused by what James is telling me about the mirror. He's talking like he won't be around to tell them…

"Lily," James ignores my confused mutterings, slipping the mirror back into his pocket and grabbing me gently by the shoulders. "There's just one more thing I want you to do…"

"Anything," I promise abruptly and his mouth twitches towards a smile.

"I want you to wake up," he says quietly, his smile fading completely.

"Wake up?" I repeat, confusion coloring my expression. "James, what are you talking about?"

"Wake up, Lily," James repeats, looking directly into my eyes. "Wake up."

I jerk myself upright, gasping as the sunlight streaming into my dorm room hits me full-force.

I stare at the curtains around my bed as it all sinks in. It was just a dream… but it seemed so real! He had been there, I had _heard _him, I had _felt_ him…

It can't have just been a dream.

I fling my covers off me, throwing open the curtains to find Mary combing her blond hair in front of her mirror.

"Morning, Lily," Mary says carefully, eying my disheveled state in the mirror.

The mirror…

"Lily, are you alright?" Mary asks, turning around to face me. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Oh, ha ha. Very funny, Mary.

"I… I need to find Sirius," I say, my voice hoarse from sleeping.

"Well, he's probably in their dorm, isn't he?" Mary says slowly, narrowing her eyes at me. "Why d'you need to find him?"

"I just need to figure something out," I mumble as I hurry towards the door, not even bothering to change out of my pajamas.

Mary follows curiously after me as I take the steps to the boys dorm two at a time. I push open their door to find all three Marauders in a pile on the floor.

"What on earth is going on in here?" Mary gasps at the sight and the Marauders turn their heads towards us from their wrestling match on the floor.

"Pete found a chocolate frog in his trunk," Remus grunts as Sirius elbows him in the neck.

"So you're wrestling for it?" Mary guesses, rolling her eyes at the boys.

Remus responds by kicking Peter in the shin and Mary lets out an impatient sigh.

"For Merlin's sake, its just chocolate," I huff, crossing my arms and the Marauders freeze, looking over at us with scandalized expressions on their faces.

"_Just_ chocolate?" Peter asks, his voice incredulous.

"How dare you," Remus glares at me.

"The _nerve_," Sirius sniffs.

Mary and I exchange an exasperated look and I turn back to the boys.

"There's something important I need to talk to you about so if you stop wrestling right now I'll buy you each _ten_ chocolate frogs next time we're in Hogsmeade," I say and the three boys scramble away from each other.

"Fine. What is so important?" Sirius asks as Remus idly picks pieces of lint from Peter's hair.

"I don't think James is dead," I say bluntly and I watch as all of their eyes widened in shock at my words.

"Lily…" Sirius says, frowning slightly. Pain flashes across his face and I almost regret what I said. Almost. "We were all there… we saw him die. We saw him buried."

"I had a dream last night," I go on, "and James was in it. He was _real. _He was _alive."_

"Lily, it was just a dream," Remus says in a calming voice and I scowl at him.

"It wasn't!" I insist. "He's still alive. I know it. He's trying to reach me through my dreams."

I sound absolutely crazy. Even I can see that… but it's true.

"Lily, I think you're just overly stressed," Peter ventures, and the other two boys nod in agreement.

"I'm telling you, he's still alive," I press.

"Wow, you're right," Sirius rolls his eyes at me. "Maybe we accidentally buried him alive. Never mind the great, bloody fang that was stuck through him."

I stare at him for a moment in disbelief before exploding in a rage.

"_How in Merlin's name can you joke about this_?" I shriek at him. "You three sit around, making jokes and wresting over chocolate frogs like nothing even happened. Don't you even care that your best friend is _dead_?"

"_Of course we care,"_ Sirius hisses at me and I shrink back from the venom in his voice. "Don't think for one second that you're the only one who cares, Evans. Just because we don't mope around all the time doesn't mean we aren't in pain. Talking about him, thinking about him, it _hurts too much_. And you standing here, telling us he's alive is just driving the knife in deeper."

"But I can prove it. I can prove he's still alive," I insist, taking a step towards Sirius. "He told me about your two-way mirror. He said I could prove he's still alive if you have the mirror."

Remus and Peter exchange a look at the mention of the mirror, but Sirius's eyes widened even further. He doesn't move for a moment and then shoves his hand into his pocket and pulls out the mirror.

"How did you know about the mirror?" Sirius asks me quietly, all the anger in his voice gone now.

"He told me about it, in my dream," I respond, dropping my eyes from his face to the mirror.

I reach out a tentative hand and Sirius gently drops the mirror into my open palm. I hold the glass up to my face, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

"James?" I say clearly into the mirror. He _has _to appear. He promised.

The mirror only reflects my face. I keep waiting, my breath fogging up the glass.

"Lily, James isn't going to appear," Sirius says quietly, his silver eyes looking at me sadly.

"He promised," I stutter, looking back down at the small square mirror. "He—he _promised_ he'd appear."

"He's not there, Lily," Sirius says forcefully, gripping me by the shoulders.

"He's not dead! I'm telling you, how else would I have known about the mirror then?" I ask, panic edging its way into my voice.

"He must have told you before he died," Remus answers me gravely. "What you saw in your dream… it was just that: a _dream_. You need to accept that he's gone."

"And have you? Have you accepted that he's gone?" I ask Sirius quietly as he drops his hands to his side.

My eyes flit between each of the boys as they all nod gravely at me.

"Well, I'm not giving up on him that easily," I say stubbornly, shoving Sirius's mirror into my pocket before turning on my heel and slamming the door behind me.

* * *

_A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry about the long wait between chapters! Life got crazy, had to work, etc. Anyways, I wanted to give a HUGE thanks to everyone who has read or reviewed this story, it really means so much to me!_

_So here's the second chapter! And we're adding a bit of mystery in!_

_So do you think James is REALLY dead?_

_Did Lily dream all that or did James REALLY appear to her?_

_More mystery to come :) Leave a review!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I stomp down the steps from the boys' dormitory, still fuming at my conversation with them.

No one believes me. _Fine_.

But I know what I saw… I'm not going crazy and I'm _not_ overly stressed.

Ok, maybe I am. But can you blame me?

But so what if they don't want to believe me. I don't care. James Potter exists somehow and he's trying to reach me through my dreams. How else can you explain the mirror? He _hadn't_ told me about it before he died.

Had he? Oh Merlin, I need a drink.

Or better yet, I need a Calming potion. My thoughts are racing at a million miles a minute and I can't think straight at all.

I yank on my uniform, not bothering to put on my cloak and walk swiftly through the common room and out the portrait hole, ignoring the looks of pity and concern that follow me.

Thankfully the hospital wing is devoid of any students when I walk in and I sink down onto one of the white beds.

Soon enough, Madam Pomphrey comes bustling out of her office, her eyes widening slightly as she takes in my appearance.

"Miss Evans," she appraises me carefully, looking for any signs of physical damage. "What brings you here today?"

"I—I think I need a Calming Draught," I stutter, my voice sounding squeakier than usual.

I flash of understanding passes through the old nurse's eyes as she nods.

"Ah… of course," Madam Pomphrey's voice adopts a much more soothing tone. "You can just sit right there while I get it."

She hurries away, shooting me one last furtive glance before disappearing into her office.

I'm starting to get sick of those pitying looks. The entire damn school has been walking on eggshells around the Marauders and I since James's death. Suddenly we are the topic of everyone's gossip.

What had actually _happened_ the day James Potter died? Was it really an acromantula that killed him? Or was it one of his friends?

Or maybe Lily Evans had finally had enough of him asking her out all the time…

That is undoubtedly the worst rumor.

Madam Pomphrey finally emerges from her office with a small vile of some blue liquid. I eagerly drink it down, not even pausing to enjoy the subtle flavors of honey and chamomile. All I want is the release… I want the heavy emotional weight of James Potter's death off my shoulders.

I feel the effects immediately. My head swims, making all of my thoughts unintelligible. Even my vision blurs slightly around the edges.

"Why don't you stay here for a few minutes until the potion has settled in, then you may leave," Madam Pomphrey says kindly, pushing me gently back onto the bed.

I sink down easily, my body feeling ten times lighter than it normally does. My fingers trace the hem of my robes idly as I wait for the draught to settle in my body.

I reach into my pocket, pulling out Sirius's mirror. I'm surprised that he didn't argue when I took it from him… although he _did_ say that thinking about James was too hard for him. I can understand that.

It's not that thinking about him is _easy _for me… but I think in some way, I'm terrified of forgetting about him.

I turn the small mirror over and over in my hands, watching as the light reflects off the surface, making patters on the walls.

"You promised, James," I mutter thickly as another wave of the Calming Draught sweeps over me. "You promised you'd appear."

"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" A voice wafts from the mirror and I almost drop it out of surprise.

I sit up quickly turning the mirror towards me, gasping as James's face grins up at me.

"Alright, Evans?" He winks at me and my happiness at the sight of him quickly vanishes.

"I most certainly am _not_ alright, James Potter," I snap angrily at him and then glance over towards Madam Pomphrey's office. The door is closed however, so I turn my attention back to James and hiss, "you were _supposed_ to appear when I said your name earlier with your friends. Now they all think I'm crazy."

"Would it help if I said I'm sorry?" James shrugs at me, his hazel eyes glowing with sincerity.

"No," I huff, frowning down at him.

"What if I said I have a surprise for you?" James rolls his eyes as a smile creeps onto his face.

I chew on my bottom lip, trying to suppress the smile that is trying to break my angry façade.

"What kind of surprise?" I ask grumpily and that only makes James grin wider.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," James chuckles. "Just meet me by the owlery, alright?"

"You're _here?"_ I ask, my heart doubling its pace in my chest.

"Of course I'm here," James raises his eyebrows at me. "Where else would I be?"

"Oh, I dunno… six feet under?" I quip and James's responding laugh sends shivers through me.

"How many times do I have to tell you," James chuckles again. "I'm not dead. Now come outside…"

I hastily shove the mirror into my pocket, glancing up at Madam Pomphrey's office again. I'm glad she hasn't seen me talking to Sirius's mirror… she'd think I'm crazy. Just like everyone else.

I push myself off the bed, the Calming Draught making me feel light and carefree. I hurry through the empty corridors towards the front door. A warm autumn breeze meets me as I run across the grounds, eager to see James again.

I stumble up the grassy hill towards the owlery and my breath catches in my chest when I spot James leaning casually against the stone wall.

There he is, looking as real as ever.

"James, I'm so glad you're here," I say and without thinking I throw my arms around his neck. I immediately regret my overreaction at the sight of him, but his arms lace around my back and I can't help but smile at his touch. The fact that the last time James and I actually talked – before he died, I mean—I had turned him down yet again for a date didn't matter anymore. All of that was in the past. I can honestly say that there is nothing I want more at this moment than to be with him…

"Really? Because you seemed rather peeved before," James grins as we pull apart.

"Yes, well everyone thinks I've gone mad," I say, looking eagerly into his eyes.

As long as he is standing before me and as long as I can feel him, the way his hands slide down my arms and grasp my hands, I _know_ he is real. And that is all that matters.

"Why do they think that?" James frowns at me, reaching a hand up to push a strand of my red hair away from my face.

"Last night when I saw you," I say, blushing at his touch. "They all said it was just a dream."

"And what do _you_ think?" James asks me, tugging on my hand as we start walking towards the forest.

"I… I don't know what to think," I confess, shaking my head as we trek deeper and deeper into the forest.

"Aren't you curious about your surprise?" James grins down at me, elbowing me playfully in my side.

"Of course I am," I say, carefully stepping over the hazardous roots of the forest floor. "But I'm more curious as to where you keep going… I'm starting to think you actually _are_ just a dream."

"Well, if I were a dream, would I be able to take you here?" James pulls me through an overgrowth of bushes into a small clearing. My vision suddenly turns blue as the forest floor in front of us is carpeted with thousands of Forget-Me-Nots. Green vines creep up the enormous trunks of the trees, the delicate flowers clinging to the bark.

"Well, yes actually," I breathe as I stare around me at flowers. "But it's so lovely I don't even care."

James chuckles quietly, taking a few steps ahead of me. The Forget-Me-Nots bloom into life wherever he steps like he is some kind of angel. Maybe he is…

"It's all for you…" James says, looking back at me but I can't tear my eyes away from the breathtaking garden surrounding us. "The Forget-Me-Nots… you said they were your favorite."

"You remembered?" I breathe, running my hands over the flower-covered tree trunks.

"'Course I did," James shrugs. "You only said it a few days ago. I _also_ remember you saying that you didn't want me to give up…"

"Is this you not giving up?" I ask, gesturing idly at the garden.

"I guess you could say that, yes," a smile tugs on James's mouth as he

pulls me down to the ground next to him. I fold my legs underneath me, the flowers gently tickling my bare skin and James sits facing me.

Something has changed indefinitely between us. Of course, he is still the same James, and I the same Lily, but I don't have to say anything for him to know that my resolve is wavering. And because he _knows_ me, he doesn't push it. He knows that if he asks again—_when_ he asks again—my answer will be yes. And maybe that is enough for him for now.

I stare at him with a calculating look, crossing my arms over my chest as a cool breeze sweeps through the forest, making me shiver. James quickly drapes his cloak around my shoulders, his golden Head Boy badge glinting in the dim sunlight.

I hug the cloak tighter around myself, trying to memorize his intoxicating scent and I feel James's finger lace lightly through mine.

"How can I convince everyone else that you're still _here?_" I ask quietly, a familiar melancholic feeling sweeping through me as I study the way his hand encloses mine.

"You can," James responds just as quietly and my eyebrows pull together slightly in confusion.

"How?" I ask and James's mouth turns up in one corner in a lopsided smile.

"All you have to do is wake up," James breathes and the smile vanishes immediately from my face.

"No…" I mutter, wrenching my hands from him. "Not again…_NO_!"

James vanishes in a swirl of Forget-Me-Nots and I gasp, throwing myself forward as I sit up and my eyes adjust to the bright lights of the Hospital Wing.

My arms are wrapped tightly around myself and I stare wildly around me for James. The only thing I see is Madam Pomphrey helping a second year who has sprouted antlers from his head to an empty bed on the other side of the ward.

I shove myself away from the bed and pause when I notice I am wearing a cloak… with a gold badge pinned to it.

James's cloak.

I quickly inform Madam Pomphrey that I am feeling much better and tear down the halls towards the Gryffindor common room.

This _has_ to prove it. How else could I have gotten James's cloak? And he had been buried with his Head Boy badge so unless they think I dug up his grave they'll _have_ to believe me.

The Marauders and Mary are sitting on the large red couch in the common room when I burst through the portrait hole. They all glance up at me, startled by my entrance.

I drop down onto the floor in front of Mary, clutching at a stitch in my side from running.

"Lily, are you alright?" Sirius asks, exchanging a worried look with Mary.

"I saw him again," I say breathlessly. "In the forest. And his cloak, and a garden…"

"Woah, slow down," Remus places a hand on my shoulder and I take a few deep steadying breaths. "You were in the forest?"

I shake my head and see Mary and Sirius exchange an anxious look.

"I was in the hospital wing," I explain hastily. "But James appeared in your mirror, Sirius. He said to meet him outside, so I did. And he was _there_, and he was _real._ And we went to a garden. Merlin, that was the most beautiful garden I've ever seen…"

"What did you say you were in the hospital wing for?" Mary asks delicately, pulling me off the floor to sit next to her.

"Calming Draught," I shrug, and I see the Marauders and Mary exchange another look. They really need to stop doing that.

"Er, Lily," Peter ventures, leaning forward to peer at me around Sirius. "I think you were just dreaming again…"

I shake my head vigorously. "It wasn't a dream. He was really there."

"Lily," Remus leans forward grasping both my small hands in his. "Listen to me carefully. What you've been seeing… James, this garden… it's all just a dream. And the sooner you realize this, the better."

"It's _not_ a dream," I burst angrily, shoving myself off the couch. I wrench off James's cloak and toss it at Remus. "Look, James gave me his cloak. Look at the badge; It's his. Now, how on _earth_ would I have gotten that?"

Remus glances down at the bundle of fabric in his lap, the gold badge gleaming up at him.

"Lily…" Remus says slowly, holding the cloak back out to me. "This is _your_ badge."

I look down incredulously, preparing to prove him wrong but stop. _Head Girl_ is embossed in the shiny badge making my heart plummet. I glance up at my friends who seem to be in the middle of a silent conversation.

Sirius nods at something and pushes himself off the couch, taking the cloak from my hands and draping it over my shoulders.

"Come on, Lily," Sirius says gently, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the portrait hole. "I think we should go back to the hospital wing…"

* * *

_A/N: Hi everyone! Back with another chapter! Sorry this is a bit on the short side, I promise the next 2 chapters are much longer! I want to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews so far! They really mean so much to me! And I do try to respond to them all! _

_So Lily saw James again, and STILL no one believes her! What IS going on here? _

_Leave your thoughts and any questions you have! Cheers!_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sirius drags me out through the portrait hole into the corridor. As soon as the portrait swings shut behind him, I wrench my arm from his grasp.

"I'm _not_ going back to the hospital wing, Sirius," I say angrily, crossing my arms over my chest as Sirius turns back towards me with a resigned look on his face.

"Lily, this isn't normal," Sirius says carefully. "What you've been seeing… thinking that it's real? I know you're upset about James dying, but if you're hallucinating then we need to do something about it…"

"I'm _not_ hallucinating," I snap at him, marching past him down the hall.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asks as he jogs to keep up with my fast pace.

"To prove that he's real and that I'm not going mad," I mutter as I pushed the large front door open.

"Lily, come on. Stop," Sirius grabs my arm and pulls me around to face him.

"No, Sirius," I say forcefully. "I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm just _stressed_ or _upset_. I know what I saw. I _felt_ him. He's still alive."

I march across the lawn with Sirius in tow, still muttering that I am delusional.

I pull him after me into the forest, taking the same path James and I took just earlier that morning.

"Lily, _please_. Stop," Sirius pants, clutching a stitch in his side and I turn around to face him.

"I won't stop until you believe me," I say firmly, watching as Sirius rolls his silver eyes in exasperation.

I turn on my heel, marching farther into the forest until I recognize where I am. If I remember correctly, James's garden is just through that bush.

I push my way through the bramble into the opening, preparing to be met with the brilliant blue of the Forget-Me-Nots.

But all I see is the scrubby forest floor, littered only with sticks and leaves. There are no Forget-Me-Nots. There is no anything.

"It was here," I mutter, looking wildly around myself for any trace of the garden. Had I taken the wrong trail? I could have _sworn_ it was here…

"Lily…" Sirius groans, propping himself up against a tree. "Nothing's here. You've got to stop this."

"No," I say stubbornly, turning away from him.

"_Damnit_, Lily!" Sirius bursts angrily and I spin around to face him, surprised by his outburst. "James isn't here. He's dead, alright? Dead. And he's never coming back."

"He's not dead!" I insist, my voice breaking slightly.

Sirius closes his eyes, his jaw clenching in frustration. When he opens his eyes again, he forces a calm expression on his face, speaking slowly.

"Look," Sirius says in a measured voice. "You're upset; I get it. We all are. And you're feeling guilty about what happened to James. But this isn't healthy. You can't dwell on this anymore… you have to move on, Lily. You need to let him go."

"I can't," I choke out the words, tears blurring the edge of my vision. "I don't want to let him go, Sirius."

Sirius's expressionless mask breaks as a wave of sympathy passes over his face. He takes a step towards me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"James wouldn't want you to be unhappy," Sirius frowns, his voice tight with emotion. "He'd want you to move on."

I take a deep breath as I let Sirius's words sink in. He's right, of course. James wouldn't want me to be unhappy.

But would that mean I'd never see him again? I can't just block him from my dreams… that's impossible. And if James actually _is_ still alive, I can't just turn my back on him.

This is all so confusing.

"I'm afraid," I whisper and Sirius's hard eyes soften even more.

"What are you afraid of?" He asks in a soothing voice.

"I'm afraid of _everything,_ Sirius," I say, my voice growing stronger as I back away from him. I yank my hands through my hair in distress. "I'm afraid of moving on… of being happy without him. If I move on, I'm afraid I'm going to forget him."

"Nobody's going to forget James," Sirius tries to reassure me, his voice still guarded, careful. "No one _wants_ to forget James… We just want _you_ back— the old Lily. The one who didn't keep hallucinating about him."

"You don't get it, Sirius," I say through clenched teeth, taking another step away from him. "I can't _stop_ seeing him. He's everywhere I look, whether I'm dreaming or not. And it's not a _bad_ thing. I'm _happy_ when I'm with him—in my dreams or in reality, whatever it is. But when I'm here—awake—without him, my mind plays tricks on me. I don't even… I don't even know what's _real _anymore without him."

"Merlin, Lily. That's my point—" Sirius groans in frustration, but I cut him off.

"Look, for whatever reason, my subconscious wants me to think he's still alive," I say firmly. "I don't care if you think I'm delusional or crazy. I still believe that he's alive – come on, Sirius. How else would I have known about your mirror, really?"

"Like Remus said, he must have told you—"

"Oh, you bloody well know James wouldn't have told me about that," I said angrily and Sirius's gray eyes widened at the passion in my voice. "He said only you four know about it. Why would he tell me if it was a secret between you?"

"I can't talk about this anymore with you," Sirius says in a tight voice, turning away from me.

"You know I'm right, Sirius," I call after him as he disappears into the bushes.

"Shit," I mutter to myself when the sound of his footsteps had died away completely. I sink down to the ground in defeat, leaning my back up against a tree trunk. "He thinks I'm crazier than ever now."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," A familiar voice floats through the trees, making my blood run cold. "Sirius has always been stubborn like that."

I look up just in time to see James appear from behind a group of trees, his smile lighting up the whole forest.

"You couldn't have shown up a few minutes ago, could you?" I snap irritably. I _know_ I'm not dreaming this time… when would I have fallen asleep? This _is_ real… it has to be.

"Are you angry with me?" James frowns, dropping to the ground in front of me.

I sigh, trying to avoid looking in his concerned hazel eyes.

"No… not really," I say quietly, my eyes dropping to my hands. "I'm just getting tired of being the only one who believes you're alive."

"_You_ know I'm alive, Lily," James says quietly, slipping his hand into mine. "Isn't that all that matters?"

"Of course it matters," I amend quickly, looking up at James. "I'm glad you're here…"

"But you're still upset about something," James guesses.

"I just want this whole thing to end," I mutter, shaking my head. "I feel like I'm trapped in some horrible nightmare…"

"So I'm a nightmare now, am I?" James grins cheekily at me but I can't bring myself to smile.

"I just mean… I can't tell the difference between dreams and reality anymore," I sigh, resting my head back against the tree trunk.

"You know what you need to do then," James says, pulling his hand out of mine.

"What?" I ask, watching as James leaned towards me. For a moment, I think he's going to kiss me but he turns his head slightly so his lips are at my ear.

"You need to wake up, Lily," James whispers and I close my eyes in defeat, preparing myself for this dream to end.

"Wake up, Lily," James's voice echoes around the clearing and when I open my eyes again, he is gone.

I am still in the clearing, but I'm alone now.

I let out a long sigh, not even surprised anymore. I'm slowly becoming used to the fact that I'll never share a reality with James anymore… I wish desperately that I could, but it's impossible. The only way I can be with him was in my dreams.

And I can't sleep forever…can I?

I shake my head, instantly banishing that wishful thinking. When had I become some pathetic girl driven crazy with grief who would consider ending it all just to be with some boy?

So what if I _have_ gone crazy? So what if I hallucinate? I'm stronger than this and I _can_get through it.

Maybe Sirius is right. Maybe my guilt over what happened to James is just manifesting in an unhealthy way. Maybe if I can accept that it _wasn't_ my fault, I can move on. I mean, that acromantula died too and I'm not seeing great hairy spiders everywhere I look.

Well, except that one.

I blink.

And then I jump to my feet, because several feet in front of me is indeed a small acromantula. It stares at me with its five eyes and I stare back, hardly daring to move.

A quiet crunch of leaves to my left tells me that this spider is not alone and I take a ginger step backwards towards the path that leads back to the castle.

The second spider emerges from the brush and joins the first, followed closely by three more.

My heartbeat quickens. One small spider can easily be taken care of, but I'm no match for five of them. They wait, crouched low between the trees, twenty-five eyes trained on me, waiting for me to act first.

I inch my way towards the path, my shaking hand gripping my wand tightly, my mind racing over spells trying to remember which one is most effective against acromantula.

Something catches my eye above me and I slowly lift my eyes, still acutely aware of the acromantulas' position in front of me.

I almost wish I hadn't looked. A sick feeling creeps into my stomach and I feel faint as I watch dozens of spiders descending on slender silver threads from the treetops.

This has to be a dream. Acromantulas never come this close to Hogwarts. The one we found before had been a fluke, the exception _not_ the rule.

My flight instinct finally kick in and before I can even think about what I am doing, I turn and sprint towards the castle as fast as I can. A sharp hiss sounds behind me and I know that my action has not gone ignored.

Trees whip past me and I catch glimpses of long hairy legs and beady red eyes glaring at me as I pass I can make out the edge of the grounds through the trees ahead of me and I push my legs to go faster, finally stumbling onto the edge of the grounds.

I slow my pace and turn around, foolishly believing that the spiders won't dare leave the forest.

But sure enough they come scuttling out of the forest behind me with a speed that makes me feel sick.

It's like being trapped in a nightmare; the kind where you are running and just can't go fast enough. The kind where you feel drunk because your legs won't work properly and you keep tripping, unable to see straight and paralyzed by fear. I have always been able to _know_ when I'm having a nightmare. I am able to recognize the dream-like quality and shake myself from it before it gets to be too much for me.

This is different. I'm trapped. I can't wake up from this. This is _real_.

The castle looms over me as I race towards the front doors, hoping the thick wood will be enough to keep the spiders out. I push the door closed behind me but don't waste any time waiting to see if it is enough. I sprint down the corridor and up the staircase to the common room, wanting to put as much distance between the horrible creatures and myself.

I walk quickly through the common room and up to my dorm, ignoring the questioning looks from the Marauders as I pass. I guess that Sirius has filled them in on my latest psychotic breakdown and they're discussing what to do with me next but I don't even care.

Once in my dorm I hurry to the window next to my bed that looks down over the grounds. With trepidation I peer through the glass towards the forest, expecting to see it swarming with the black creatures.

But there is nothing.

Nothing but the green grass and the trees bending slightly in the breeze.

I stare down in disbelief. Where have they gone? Back to the forest? Are they _inside_ the castle now?

Or – my insides constrict with horror – have I been subjected to yet another hallucination?

I back away from the window, sinking down onto my bed and cradling my head in my hands, terrified that I can't tell which is the right answer.

This is all too much. Reality and non-reality are blending into each other too seamlessly now.

I stare at the wilting yellow asphodel plant on my bedside table, willing myself to come up with some answers. And as I stare at the dying plant, several things occur to me.

My thoughts before in the forest were wrong on two accounts.

My first error was in assuming that I _can_ get through this. That I can go on living like this, gliding from dream to reality with no ill affects whatsoever. Now I'm sure that if this continues any longer I'll be carted off to St. Mungo's before the weekend.

My second error was discarding the idea that I can simply sleep forever, living eternally in the blissful world of dreams that doesn't hurt nearly as much as reality.

Because I _can_ sleep forever. There _is_ a way.

And that little yellow asphodel plant I had collected for potions so many days ago is the key to it all.

The sudden clarity in my mind is rather alarming. Everything comes into sharp focus the second I had find the solution.

The Draught of Living Death.

It's so simple it's a wonder I didn't think of it sooner. All this time the answer has been sitting in front me and I never realized…

I hop off my bed, snatching the yellow asphodel from where it lays on my bedside table. I tuck it gingerly into the pocket of my robes and walk purposefully down the stairs and through the common room.

The Marauders are still sitting by the fire deep in conversation and they all look up when I pass by. Their faces are almost identical masks of distress and the focus in my mind stutters at the change in their facade. Where has _that_ come from?

I slow to a stop in front of them, confused by the change and momentarily distracted from my mission.

"Alright, boys?" I question them tentatively. Remus and Peter look simultaneously to Sirius whose expression has changed to one of pity mingled with determination.

"Listen, Lily," Sirius says after a tense pause and more wordless exchanges between the boys. "We need to talk for a minute."

"Actually, I'm rather in a hurry if you—" I start but Sirius cuts me off.

"Look, we've been skirting around this since James d-died and enough is finally enough," Sirius says quickly, as though if he didn't speak right away he might never. "James is _dead_. He's _gone_, Lily. You _need_ to grasp that. We've been patient with you up until now because obviously it was traumatizing what happened but this has finally gone too far. I for one am not going to lie to you anymore. The fact of it is, James _is_dead because of you."

It feel like Sirius has punched me in the stomach. My breath escapes me in a whoosh and my eyes widen in disbelief. Surely I've misheard him… because he can't have just_blamed_ me.

But Remus speaks up before I can really question this.

"Sirius is right," he agrees harshly and the bitterness in his voice silences my feeble attempts to protest. "You need to accept what really happened. It was _your_ fault. If it weren't for _you_, James would still be here."

It feels like everything inside me has turned to stone. This can't be happening. What happened to Sirius assuring me that it _wasn't_ my fault? He had only done so earlier in the day, hadn't he?

_Had_ he? Had _that _been a hallucination too? Suddenly my concept of time becomes horribly warped and for the life of me, I can't remember. It's like my days and nights and dreams suddenly blur together, making it impossible to pick out specific incidents.

"I didn't _kill_ him," I splutter feebly, finally finding my voice and uttering the only thing I'm able to hold on to.

"You might as well have," Peter speaks up, eying me with contempt. "It was because of you."

I take a step back from them as they continue to glare up at me.

"Look, we just think it's best if we stop sugar-coating it," Sirius says, pity and disdain dripping from his voice. "It's your fault he'd dead. You need to accept it. And when you do, maybe you'll stop deluding yourself into thinking he's still here somehow."

I swallow, unable to form any words. My throat has gone dry as I stare at them in horror and disbelief.

The one thing I am too terrified to think, that everyone else in the school is wondering about, that they themselves have _assured_ me isn't true has finally been thrust upon me. It feel like I will collapse from the immense weight of it.

I'm only barely holding onto my sanity at this point and I know that if I stay here for one more second I will finally lose it.

So without saying another word I turn and run from the room, their jeers and accusations following me through the portrait hole into the thankfully empty corridor.

_James is dead because of you_.

I jerk my hands through my hair, closing my eyes and trying to banish the words from my head. It isn't true. It _can't_ be true.

I feel the small asphodel resting in my pocket and the need to complete my mission jumps to the forefront of my mind again, more urgently than ever.

_It was your fault_.

I start running.

_It's your fault he's dead._

I have to escape this nightmare.

_If it weren't for you, James would still be here._

I'll be free soon.

I throw open the door to the potions classroom. Professor Slughorn is nowhere to be seen and I barely have time to be thankful for this before I locate my half-finished potion on the shelves against the wall.

I empty the contents of the bottle into a cauldron, quickly lighting it to the proper temperature. Thank god Daught of Living Death had to sit for seven days before adding the last ingredient.

"Lily, what are you doing?" A voice echoes around the room, making me jump and I grip the table as the familiarity of that voice washes through me. I turn slowly, expecting to see James but there is no one.

"Lily," the voice repeats and I jump a second time when I realize the voice is coming from my pocket. I hastily pull the small square two-way mirror Sirius has left with me and hold it up to the light.

James's anxious face stares back at me, his eyebrows pushed together in concern.

"Lily," he says again, urgency heavy in his voice. "_What are you doing?"_

"I-I'm going to sleep," I say, pulling the asphodel from my pocket and hoping that it will still work even though it has dried out significantly since I picked it.

"Lily, _stop_," James's face suddenly becomes panicked in the mirror.

"No," I breathe, feverish determination pulsing through me. It will be over soon.

"You can't do this, Lily," James pleads.

"I have to," I say, pausing only momentarily to look at him. "It's the only way."

"It's _not_," James says desperately.

"Well, what am I _supposed_ to do?" I beg of him, yanking my hands through my hair.

"Fight it!" James says fervently, his hazel eyes burning with intensity as if he were trying to will me to stop.

"I can't," I shake my head, hopelessness enveloping me. Something brushes across my hand and I jerk it off the table just in time to see a small spider skittering across the table.

I leap back from the cauldron, my eyes wide with panic. This can't be happening. Not again. Not _now._

I stare wildly around, a sinking sensation filling me as I see the slender silver threads descending from the ceiling and the hairy bodies of the acromantulas getting closer and closer. My eyes fly to the floor and if I wasn't so terrified I might scream at the hundreds of snitch-sized spiders scurrying towards me.

I grab the nearest chair, hoisting myself onto it. My fingers tremble as I grab the asphodel and fling it into the potion which abruptly turns as clear as water. I don't have time to be relieved as the spiders are still making their way towards me through the dungeon.

My heartbeat pounds in my chest as I grab a wooden spoon and dip it into the potion. I don't have much time.

"Lily," James's voice interrupts me and I look down to where the mirror rests on the table. "Lily, I don't even know if you can hear me, but there's something I need to tell you."

"James, I can hear you, I'm right here," I pick up the mirror, momentarily forgetting the spiders surrounding me. The agony in his eyes sends a new kind of ache through my heart.

"Lily," James's voice broke, tears swimming in his hazel eyes and his reflection flickers like a candle going out. "Lily, I love you."

"James?" I ask, tears prickling behind my own eyes. "I'm right here. Can't you hear me?"

"Lily please, just wake up," James begs, closing his eyes as a single tear slides down his cheek. His reflection trembles again.

"I _am_ awake, James," I shake my head, not understanding. "Just… don't leave. Stay with me. Please."

"Lily, _please_," James begs quietly and before I can even open my mouth to answer the mirror goes completely dark and I am alone.

I stare at the dark mirror for a fraction of a second before I remember where I am. My eyes snap up, taking in the scene before me with an eerie calmness.

It will be over soon.

My hands don't shake as I dip the spoon into the potion and without further hesitation I shove the spoon into my mouth, swallowing the burning liquid.

It's like being thrown into a pool of water with no warning. Drowsiness engulfs me like a wave and I stagger off the chair onto the floor, the empty spoon and the blank mirror are clutched loosely in my hands. The room spins around me dizzyingly and I sway unsteadily. The spoon drops to the floor, but I keep the mirror, using my free hand to brace myself on the cold dungeon floor.

The spiders' bodies twist and warp into grotesque shapes as I stared at them. Red eyes glare at me from every corner of the room. My eyelids feel like a lead weight and I sink to the floor.

Something touches my hand.

And then everything goes dark.

* * *

_A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait between chapters! I've had no internet at my house for a MONTH so I finally was able to sneak onto my laptop at work. And I will answer reviews as soon as I get it fixed at my house! Thank you all SO much for your feedback, I've loved every review and I really appreciate them!_

_So I hope you all liked this chapter! There's only one more to go and then everything will make sense :) _

_Leave a review!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I feel warm sunlight touching my closed eyes and the sensation is unbelievably pleasant. My head rests on something soft and a warm touch caresses my hand. I want to lie here forever, wherever this is.

I can't quite recall how I got to wherever I am. Am I sleeping? I have never had a dream quite like this before… so calm and comforting.

"_Lily_," the name floats softly through my ears and I realize with a jolt that it is _my_ name. I am Lily. A small part of me recognizes that I must have a last name as well, but I can't quite think of it. I am Lily, and that is enough for now.

I lay here for a while more, listening to the soft sound of my name repeat over and over. The voice is lovely and familiar but I can't put a name to it. All I know is it makes me feel safe.

Slowly, bits of memories return to me. A dungeon, a garden, a hospital, a boy… there is an intense feeling of sadness attached to these memories and I don't like it. I want to go back to calm and comforting. I want to go back to feeling nothing. I try to shut the memories out, but the more I push, the more they come into focus.

"_Lily, wake up_," the voice says, louder than before.

_I _am_ awake,_ I try to answer but I can't find my voice yet.

But with those words comes an even bigger deluge of memories accompanied by a splitting headache. I clench my teeth, twitching my fingers towards the hand that traces patterns over them.

The acromantulas, the forget-me-nots, the Draught of Living Death… and James.

_James_.

It's like resurfacing after being underwater for too long.

My eyes fly open and I gasp, feeling the air rush into my lungs.

A bright white light fills my eyes, making my head pound even more excruciatingly.

Other voices sound more loudly now, but I can't understand what is said. My eyes struggle to adjust to the bright light and I can see shapes moving around above me.

"Someone get Madam Pomphrey," a frenzied voice says, and the grip on my hand suddenly tightens. I want to squeeze back but I can't get my fingers to work. Why won't my fingers work?

A dark shape moves in front of my eyes blocking out the sunlight and everything comes into sharper focus. I know this face. Kind blue eyes and gently wrinkled skin, brown-gray hair tucked back under a white cap. A nurse. Madam Pomphrey, that is her name. Her eyes sweep over me in a practiced way and I feel something cold touch my wrist, my neck, my forehead.

"Quiet everyone. Miss Evans, can you hear me?" she asks, and I stare at the way her lips move, trying to make sense of the words. Am I Miss Evans? Should I answer? _Can_ I answer?

"Yes," I try to say but my throat protests, and no sound comes out but my lips move accordingly.

The flurry of voices breaks out again and the aging nurse threatens to make them leave if they don't calm down. Leave where?

My eyes stray away from her, sweeping over the high windows, the rows of beds covered in clean white sheets.

The hospital wing, of course.

How did I get _here_?

I let my eyes drift towards the voices that fill the room and the faces that belong to them. They are familiar, comforting, and identical masks of relief and happiness. Mary MacDonald has tears in her blue eyes as she clutches the foot rails of the bed I am on. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew stand behind her on their tiptoes trying to see for themselves. Sirius Black sits near the foot of the bed, smiling brilliantly.

But the only face I want—_need_—to see just then is missing. A frown pulls my lips down but Mary, catching the direction of my thoughts nods subtly towards something besides me.

I let my head fall to the side and my eyes, lifting ever so slightly, locks with his. A crooked smile lifts the corners of his mouth, undeniable relief flooding his face as he stares down at me.

A warm glowing feeling erupts in me at the sight of his face, spreading through all my extremities. My fingers, finally bending to my influence, twist with his.

I open my mouth to speak, but still no words come out. What has happened to my voice? And for that matter, why do I feel so…stiff. And for Merlin's sake this headache is horrible.

Madam Pomphrey must see me wince as my head throbs again because she grabs a bottle off the table next to the bed I am on and forces it into my mouth.

I cough feebly but don't protest as the liquid floods through me, wiping away the pounding of the headache and the accompanying nausea. I struggle to sit up, wanting to further get my bearings but two strong hands force my shoulders back onto the cot.

"Not so fast," the nurse says, eyeing me disapprovingly as she measures out a small dose of some foul smelling liquid. I hope she doesn't expect me to drink _that_ next.

"For your voice," she tells me as she offers me the cup. I lift my hand to take it, frustration flooding through me when my arm shakes at the small effort. I drink down the liquid, wrinkling my nose at the taste and the way it burns my throat.

"Merlin, just poison me already," I cough and then start at the sound of my own voice.

Madam Pomphrey glares at me reproachfully and purses her lips but says nothing as she busies herself with something on my shoulder.

A bandage. Where did that come from?

I take her silence as an opportunity to have my many questions answered and address my friends hovering around the end of my bed.

"What happened? What am I doing here?" I demand, and then look over at James next to me. "What are _you_ doing here?

James's eyes widen in shock as he drops his hand from mine. "Fine, I'll just go then."

I concentrate all my effort into raising my hand to grasp his, pulling him back down into his seat.

"That's not what I meant," I say desperately, terrified by the thought of him leaving just when I've gotten him back. "I meant- _how_ are you here? _Alive_? You're_ dead_, I saw you…"

I trail off as James's eyes narrow in confusion and his posture stiffens. He exchanges a glace with Sirius before looking back at me.

"What are you talking about, Lily?" James asks quietly, his voice betraying a note of worry.

"You… the acromantula," I stutter, looking around at my other friends to back me up. "The fang, it went right through you. I saw you _die_."

Understanding lights James's eyes at last and his posture relaxes.

"Right," he nods, his hand tightening around mine. "Right, the acromantula… that would be what you saw."

His jaw tightens as he struggles to put his next thoughts into words.

"Lily, the acromantula's fang _did_ go through me," James explains slowly, moving the collar of his shirt so that a bandage in the same spot as mine is visible. "Through me and… and into you."

Something painful shoots through my right shoulder and for the first time I pay attention to what Madam Pomphrey is doing. The bandage on my shoulder is gone, exposing an alarmingly big wound that is an ugly shade of green.

Madam Pomphrey dabs a pale purple salve onto it and I look away quickly, unable to process what this means.

"The venom is only in the tip of the fang, so you got all the poison," Mary adds quietly, the smile faded from her face as she watches comprehension dawn on mine.

"Oh," I say faintly, ignoring the slight stinging that spreads through my shoulder as Madam Pomphrey replaces the bandage and the salve begins to work.

"Are _you_ alright, then?" I turns back to James anxiously.

"Practically perfect. I've got a wicked scar though, wanna see?" James moves to pull his collar aside again but I shake my head, grabbing his hand to stop him.

"That's ok, really," I assure him, wrinkling my nose and I hear Mary and the other boys chuckle quietly.

"So if I got all the poison," I frown up at James as something new occurs to me. "How exactly am _I _alive?"

"It was lucky Hagrid was so close, really," James says quietly, dropping his gaze from my face.

"Don't be a prat," Sirius rolls his eyes. "It was lucky you think bloody fast on your feet. _He's_ the one who basically saved your life."

I look back to James who is skillfully avoiding my eyes.

"I didn't—" James begins to protest but Remus cuts him off.

"He _did_," Remus assures me. "Didn't even bat an eye at the great gaping hole in his shoulder. Ran straight into Hagrid's hut and began tearing things off shelves like a madman. Meanwhile you were having a fit on the ground, thrashing about and screaming bloody murder."

I wince at that, remembering my own version of things _very _differently. Seeing James's lifeless form, screaming for him to wake up, thrashing around wildly when they finally came to take him away…

"Hagrid heard the commotion and came hurrying over," Sirius continues with the story. "He was able to get you to hold still and get the fang out of your shoulder. And then James came sprinting out of Hagrid's with something in his fist."

"We didn't realize it was bezoar until he'd shoved it down your throat," Peter adds solemnly.

"Saved your life, it did," Sirius says, nodding his head. "Poppy here said if it hadn't been for the bezoar you would have been a goner."

Madam Pomphrey clears her throat irritably, though I can't tell whether she is objecting to the name "Poppy" or Sirius's casual reference to my possible death.

I continue to stare at James who is seemingly preoccupied with the hem of the blanket on top of me. It's only then that I realize the blanket over me is actually a cloak… a cloak with a badge that says "Head Boy" pinned to it.

"I thought I was too late," James says quietly, finally lifting his eyes to meet my incredulous stare. "You just kind of… collapsed. And you… you didn't wake up. I didn't— I thought you were…"

He trails off, dropping his eyes again and I blink.

"He hasn't left your side since it happened," Sirius adds, a knowing smile lighting his face and Remus rolls his eyes while James shoots him a glare. "Kept talking to you like a complete loon as if you could hear him. We all thought he'd lost his marbles—"

"Alright, I think visiting time is over," Madam Pomphrey mercifully interrupts him upon seeing James's reddening face and Remus, grabbing Sirius by the arm, hauled him towards the door. Peter chuckles and follows and after a hug and a promise to be back later from Mary, I am finally left alone with James.

Madam Pomphrey opens her mouth, presumably to tell him to leave as well, and then thinks better of it. Probably since she apparently hasn't been able to remove him the entire duration of my stay.

I wait until the nurse is in her office before turning my attention back to James who is back to staring at his cloak.

"You were talking to me?" I ask him, pushing myself up in the bed so I am sitting.

"I'm going to _kill_ Sirius," James mutters, still not meeting my eyes.

"What were you saying?" I inquire curiously, a small smile pulling up my lips.

"Just… mostly asking you to wake up," James says after a moment and I decide not to mention that I know _exactly_ what he said to me while I was sleeping. He looks over at me and his face relaxes when he sees I am smiling. "I thought maybe… forget it, it's stupid."

"Come on, tell me," I urge him. "I won't laugh, I promise."

James eyes me skeptically for a moment before relenting. "I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice… I dunno, it would give you something to hold onto, something to come back to."

My heart thumps in my chest when his eyes lock with mine and for a moment I can't speak.

"Well, it worked," I finally manage to say.

"Just… I'm glad you're alright," James says finally, letting out a deep breath.

"Alright, Mr. Potter," Madam Pomphrey comes bustling out of the office with more bottles and spoons and my nose wrinkles at the sight of them. "Visiting hours are over, and I _mean_ it this time. Get out. Go… have a shower or something. For goodness sake you've been here for a week straight."

James winces slightly at the nurse's scolding and I suppress a giggle.

"James, thank you," I whisper, squeezing his hand gently before he leaves. "For… for not giving up."

His eyes linger on me for a second before he drops them again and I'm not sure whether he caught the double meaning in my words.

"I'll see you soon," James reluctantly promises me in an undertone, giving my hand one last squeeze before Madam Pomphrey shoos him from the hospital wing.

Thankfully, Madam Pomphrey only holds me hostage in the hospital wing for a few days before she releases me on the condition that I never go near the Forbidden Forest ever again. I consent without giving it a second thought.

Of course I had no way of knowing I would be breaking my promise less than six hours later.

A pile of homework and an over-attentive best friend await me when I arrive back at Gryffindor tower ten days after the incident with the acromantula, an incident which has apparently become school-wide gossip though none of the stories I hear involve me killing James for which I am exceedingly grateful.

James, Mary, and the rest of the Marauders came several times a day to visit me once I had woken but I didn't get a chance to speak with James alone since that first day, a fact that was increasingly irritating. I hadn't mentioned to any of them the events that had happened to _me_ during my coma. Maybe someday I'll tell them, but for now I'm just happy to be free of the nightmare.

But there are still a thousand other things I want desperately to say to James, and some things that I expect he wants to say to me, but could never articulate due to the presence of our friends.

Solitary moments are hard to come by when I arrive back in Gryffindor tower as Mary is determined to not let me out of her sight. I'm touched that she has missed me during my time asleep, but I expected a little more tact from her in the case of James.

In fact, I'm not even able to speak to James until several hours after my departure from the hospital when I tell Mary I fancy a quick nap before dinner and instead slip out the common room in search of James.

Once I am alone in the corridor it occurs to me that I have no idea where James even _is_. I hadn't noticed him in the common room, but he _could_ be in his dorm.

I stare down the corridor biting my lip as I think of where to start and have just decided on the library and when I turn and run right into someone.

"Oi! Easy there," I huff, catching the person to stop them from falling.

"Evans, there you are!" Sirius Black straighten up. "I've been sent to look for you."

"To look for me? I've been in the common room literally all day being babysat by Mary," I narrow my eyes at him skeptically.

"Well, I clearly have not been so forgive me," Sirius rolls his eyes.

"So where _have_ you been all day?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"Nobody likes a Nosy Nelly, Evans," Sirius wags his finger at me. "Now, I've been told to send you down the boathouse."

"Told by who?" I raise one eyebrow suspiciously.

"Ah, ah, Nelly," Sirius shakes his head. "No questions. Now, off you go!"

Sirius grabs my shoulders and steers me towards the grand staircase, giving me a little nudge. I stumble slightly before gaining my footing and I send Sirius a dirty look before descending the staircase, oddly intrigued by this game.

The grounds are bathed in bright sunlight as I slide through the front door to the castle. A warm breeze blows around me and I squint towards the boathouse, trying to see something—_anything_—to give me a hint. But there is nothing.

As I pass the owlery something tugs at my mind, a fuzzy memory of James leaning against the side of the stone building, waiting for me. My heart aches with the memory, realizing it _was _only a dream and not for the first time an immense feeling of relief washes through me as I remember James is not in fact dead.

Something else tugs at my memory: a garden, bathed in sunlight and filling my eyes with the soft blue of hundreds of forget-me-nots. A tingle of anticipation runs through me before I remember that I am supposed go to the _boathouse_, not the trail behind the owlery that leads to the magical garden.

I try not to feel disappointed as I make my way towards the boathouse, but disappointment vanishes instantly when I se what is waiting at the boathouse.

A small bouquet of forget-me-nots sit on the steps to the boathouse with a note tied to the stems. I pick up the bundle of flowers and read the words on the paper.

_Follow me…_

I look around for some clue as to _what_ to follow and stop when I see a small trail of the blue flowers leading into the forest.

I swallow and my heart gives a little thump of encouragement as I start following the trail into the woods. I hardly register that this was the way we had taken into the woods that first day when we found the acromantula.

I push my way through the trees, anticipation building in me like a tsunami. After a few minutes I push through a thicket into a small clearing.

My breath leaves me in a whoosh as my eyes are once again filled with blue.

It isn't the garden of my dreams. It is much, much better. Because it _is_ real this time. In the time I have been asleep the place has exploded in forget-me-nots, blossoming from the one small plant I showed to James to thousands of flowers covering the forest floor, clinging to the trunks of the trees, and peeking from beneath the tall ferns. And in the middle of it all stands James, waiting patiently for me to arrive.

My head is suddenly full of memories, of James in my dreams, of James _now_, him waiting for me, him never giving up.

The full weight of it brings me to my knees and as I sink to the flower-covered forest floor James rushes to my side, his face instantly worried.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" James asks, his hands fluttering unsurely around me.

"I'm fine," I assure him. "It's just… slightly overwhelming."

"In a bad way?" he asks worriedly.

"No, no, not at all," I shake my head quickly. "In a… _wonderful_ way. I just… don't understand. You did this?"

James nods, keeping his eyes locked on my face, awaiting my reaction.

"For me?"

He nods again.

"Why?" I breathe, staring around that the little blue flowers that surround me.

James takes a deep breath as he settles onto the ground beside me.

"I'm—I'm not going to be able to explain this right," he prefaces before dropping his eyes to the ground. "When you were… a-asleep—" James stumbles over the words as if it's particularly difficult for him to say, "All I could think about was you telling me that forget-me-nots were your favorite flower and how you d-didn't want me to give up on you just yet…"

He lifts his eyes to mine as if expecting me to dispute this, but I keep my mouth shut, unable to tear my eyes from his face. He takes a deep breath before continuing.

"I was so… _terrified _that you were never going to wake up, and I would never see you smile again or hear you laugh or have that _one last chance…" _James trails off slightly but quickly catches himself. "But then you _did_ wake up, and I wasn't going to waste anymore time. I had an opportunity and I didn't want to waste it on the off chance you _meant_ it when you told me not to give up just yet…"

"And this is you not giving up?" I interrupt him, my voice thick with emotion.

"I guess you could say that, yes," he nods solemnly, still waiting anxiously for my reaction.

"When I was… asleep," I also stumble over the word, feeling it isn't quite the right way to describe what I had been through. "I dreamt… about _you_."

"Me?" James frowns skeptically. "What—what was I doing in these dreams?"

"Asking me to wake up," I give him a small smile, the memories of the dreams filling my head with a new kind of meaning. It all makes so much sense now. "You just… kept asking. Over and over. And there were _so many times_ when I just… didn't know if I could hang on any longer, and you were always there pulling me back, just waiting for me to wake up, to realize—"

My voice breaks off and I realize my eyes have tears in them. I drop my eyes quickly brushing the tears away, hoping James hasn't seen.

"So you _could_ hear me?" James breathes in a slightly awed voice and I nod in response.

Warm fingers brush along my jaw, tilting my chin up so that I am once again looking into the hazel eyes of James Potter.

"And at the end, just before you woke up," he says quietly, his eyes locking with mine. "When I told you I'm in love with you… did you hear that part?"

I nod, unable to stop the tears that slid down my cheeks now.

"Did you really mean that?" I manage to ask in a small voice, scared yet at the same time eager for the answer. "After all the fights, the rejections, all those years I didn't… didn't _realize?_ All those years I made you wait?"

"I would have waited a thousand years for you," James responds, sliding his hands into mine and pulling me up so that we're kneeling with our faces mere inches apart. "And I'll love you for a thousand more… if you let me."

We stare at each other for a long moment, both of us seeing in each other something we can't live without any longer. I am Lily and he is James and all those years of fighting and waiting make a strange kind of sense now. Because he wouldn't give up, and for that I owe him my life. I am the girl who lived and he is the boy who saved me.

Our noses brush and a thrill of electricity and anticipation pulse through me at his touch. His hand cradles my face while the other entwines loosely with mine, tracing patterns across my skin that send fresh waves of shivers through me.

"You," James whispers quietly, his breath caressing my lips in a teasingly enticing way as he tilts my chin up, "are worth waiting forever for."

And because I just can't take it any longer I press my lips to his and let our love wash over me like a tidal wave.

* * *

_A/N: Hi everyone, sorry it took me a little while to get this last chapter up! End of summer and all that. So I hope you all liked the ending to this story! A few of you had guessed what was going on, but for those who hadn't guessed, I hope it was a nice surprise! _

_Thanks SO SO SO much to everyone who read this story and especially to those who reviewed, I swear I'll get around to answering each review soon! And if you liked this story, check out my author page. I have a novel, _Hogwarts Confessional,_ which is nearly complete and a new story I'll be posting VERY soon called _If Wishes Were Fishes_. Keep your eyes out for them! _

_Cheers! And I'd love to hear final thoughts, so leave a review! _


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